Early in my career as an OB-GYN, I performed abortions. 

Growing up, I never envisioned that this would be a part of my story. I grew up as the ninth of 11 children in a devout Baptist family. My father, a minister, and my mother instilled in me Biblical principles and values that I would eventually return to after rebelling against God while in college.

A series of unwise relationship decisions uprooted my relationship with Christ, leaving me unanchored and tossed back and forth by the waves of worldly cultural doctrines (Ephesians 4:14). The pro-abortion culture that permeated my OB-GYN residency program hijacked my sense of compassion and desire to serve women, leading me to believe the twisted lie that the right way to support pregnant women facing difficult prenatal diagnoses is to “terminate the pregnancy.” 

So, during residency, I opted in to abortion training and ended up performing several as a new OB-GYN—mostly second-trimester abortions on babies with genetic conditions. I never found them pleasant; in retrospect, the cognitive dissonance required to purposely end the life of a preborn child whom I, as an obstetrician, should be treating as my second patient began to grate at my conscience. 

But I kept my mental blinders on, determined to do what I felt was a hard but necessary part of my job—until one day, when I was performing a teenager’s abortion. 

I can’t tell you what exactly happened that day. All I can say is that it felt like the scales fell from my eyes, exposing me to the full, horrific reality of what was happening. 

I’m about to murder a baby, I thought. 

Realizing that stopping at this point would put the mother at risk, I made the painful decision to complete the procedure, feeling the whole time as if there were an evil presence hovering over my shoulder. 

I never did another abortion. 

But though I stopped performing abortions, it took decades for me to fully confront my pro-choice views. During this time, God pursued me even as I evaded Him. He loved me through marriages and heartbreaks, births and miscarriages, until I finally repented of my sins and invited Christ to reign supremely in my life. 

It all started when my last marriage ended. I found myself looking around and realizing that some of the most important things I’d built in my life had crumbled. I felt destroyed. Like the prodigal son returning to his father’s home after starving in a pigsty (Luke 15:11-32), I finally hit the point where there was no denying I needed Him. 

There was only one thing I could do: cry out to God, surrender everything to Him, and pray that He could make beauty out of the ashes of my life (Isaiah 61:3). 

Bruised reed that I was, God did not break me; rather, He breathed life into me, returning the flame to the smoldering wick (Isaiah 42:3). 

One of the people He used to put me on the right path was a friend who invited me to a Celebrate Recovery program for people with “hurts, habits and hangups.” During this six-month journey, a Christian counselor challenged me to ask God what in my life I needed to grieve. 

So, I did. Two responses came to me. The first was: 

Remember the two babies you lost to miscarriage? You’ll see those babies again in Heaven. 

This realization filled me with joy. Of course I would see them again; they are precious souls in the arms of their Father, and I will join them when my time comes. 

Then came the second response. 

And you’ll see the babies you aborted. 

This message undid me. For years, I had pushed down the memory of the abortions I’d committed.But God would not let the reality of those children’s precious lives and invaluable souls stay hidden any longer. 

I’ve been asked, “How do you get up in the morning knowing that you’ve killed babies?” 

In that moment of prayer with God, I asked myself the same thing. But immediately, God showed me the answer: because I know that Christ, in His infinite love, has forgiven me, and so have the babies. That’s the reason I am able to get up every day. 

One thing about God is that what we mean for evil, He can turn for good (Genesis 50:20). So, over the last few years, He has redeemed my experiences and actions in ways beyond what I could have imagined.  

He has blessed me with many opportunities to share my testimony before audiences of all ideological leanings, to stand up on behalf of women and the voiceless preborn, including those whose lives I ended early in my career. God has used the relationships I built in the pro-life movement to deepen my repentance and healing. This past January, I spoke from the main stage at the March for Life rally in Washington, D.C., sharing His message of forgiveness in front of tens of thousands of marchers. 

Abortion is an issue that plagues the church today, with 70% of abortive women claiming to be Christian. Many women and men carry guilt over their babies’ deaths for the rest of their lives. So might the people who participated in those abortions, whether by driving a pregnant mom to the abortion clinic or failing to give her the support that might have made a difference. 

I want those people to know: The only way to be free from this guilt and shame is through Jesus. And if God can forgive an abortionist like me, then He can certainly forgive you. 

He can, and He will. ©2025 Catherine Wheeler

Catherine Wheeler, M.D., is a retired obstetrician-gynecologist. She is a board member of the American Association of Pro-Life Obstetricians and Gynecologists (AAPLOG) as well as the president of its Colorado chapter. She resides in Colorado, where she advocates for the legal protection of the preborn and their mothers.