As I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize who I was anymore. I was a 19-year-old single mom of two toddler sons, and I was about to do something I had promised God I would never do again.

But yet, here I was facing my fourth pregnancy in as many years. The momentary escape and fleeting security I had found in dating relationships was destroying me. 

Just a year earlier, I had been in the same predicament, expecting another baby. “I don’t have the love, nor the patience, to raise another child,” I said to myself. I remember just praying to God. It was an awful prayer—I prayed to Him to get this baby out of me. I didn’t want to have to make this decision. I didn’t want to have an abortion. I knew it was wrong, but I felt like I had to do it. 

At the abortion clinic, I couldn’t look at the display screen when the staff member performed the sonogram. I couldn’t bear the thought of seeing the undeniable reality of my unborn child. Then in the next room, l lay on a bed and looked up at a big white light. As the suctioning began, I just disconnected from myself. And when it was all over, I said a silent prayer to myself like, “God, please forgive me.” And I promised to never do this again. 

So, this time, I refused to schedule another appointment with the abortion clinic. And when my boyfriend asked what we were going to do, I told him to figure it out. That’s when he called Mid Cities Women’s Clinic in Euless, Texas, just three minutes from the automobile dealership where he and I worked together. Before going to the clinic, we stopped by a nearby restaurant to get our lunch to take back to work. As we were standing under a tree outside the restaurant, my boyfriend accidentally stepped on a dead baby bird. And when I stepped back in disbelief, I nearly stepped on another one. The weirdly disgusting incident made me think about what I was planning to do to my own helplessly vulnerable unborn child. 

After eating our lunch in the breakroom at the car dealership, we stepped outside, and there I saw another dead baby bird on the sidewalk, but this time we weren’t standing under a tree like before. God can obviously speak in mysterious ways, and I was hearing Him loud and clear.

When we arrived at the women’s clinic, I met Judy, who accompanied me to a private room and began asking about my situation. She was really sweet and very calm, and I immediately felt safe with her. When I began to tell her about my two young sons, I started to weep uncontrollably. I was horrified by the thought of aborting my baby, yet I couldn’t fathom being responsible for another child as a single mom.

Then Judy said, “Kelcey, everything you told me today won’t matter 10 years down the road. You’ll always regret taking a life, but you will never regret giving one.” She asked if I would consider adoption instead of abortion. I didn’t want to give my child up for adoption to a stranger, so then how could I even consider abortion, I thought to myself. 

But it was Judy’s final question of the survey that changed my life forever. She asked me that if I were to die that day, did I think I would go to Heaven. And I said no, because that’s when I realized that I didn’t have a relationship with God. I didn’t serve or live for God; I just went to Him when I needed something. After Judy shared some Bible verses with me about God’s amazing grace and unconditional love, I prayed in that counseling room with her and asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins and be my Savior and Lord.

At that moment, I felt peace wash over me like I had never felt before. I had finally made the decision to give my unborn child life, and now I was ready to start this journey of walking with God and trusting Him with my own life as well. Thankfully, my parents agreed to adopt my son, Josh, when he was born. My family and I will celebrate his 6th birthday this month. Josh is loved dearly by his two older brothers, who are 9 and 8 years old. Judy was absolutely right. With Josh in our family, there is no room for regret. Life continues to be a challenge as a single parent, but God is with me every step of the way. No longer am I looking for love in all the wrong places like I had done each time I got pregnant. Now that Jesus is my first love, I’m no longer desperate to win another man’s affection. Christ alone is my source of peace and contentment.

God has blessed me with a growing career in the insurance industry and as a small business owner. He’s emboldened me into the person I am today and the person I’m becoming. So, to all the moms facing unexpected pregnancies, I understand your fears. But I’ve also experienced the truth of Romans 8:28, that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord. ©2023 BGEA

Photo: Kim Leeson/Genesis Photo Agency